Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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