Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
