Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
