Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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