Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
