I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
