why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Of course I have a pirate flag
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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