dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
