Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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