i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
