You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
