I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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