Midget sex pt 2 tonight
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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