apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
