i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
