just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
