roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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