So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
