Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
