He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
