Umm I'm too high to move.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Randomize
