So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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