Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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