remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
