She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
