Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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