my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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