So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
