oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
