Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
