I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
