You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
