Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
