I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
