you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
