his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize