I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
