I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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