thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
how does that bad decision feel?
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