Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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