Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
