I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
