Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My balls are so social today.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
