Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
