Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
