Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
