guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Your cock deserves a montage
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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