we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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