just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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