my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
