Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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