For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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