I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
