dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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