Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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