Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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