I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
