why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
