OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
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