Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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