You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
