Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
