Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
