I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
