took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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