you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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