dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
