Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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