No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i out mim tonsoeep
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
