i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
