What did we do last night that was yellow?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
They are going to name an STD after you.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
