I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize