someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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